The Golden Rule
Ready for a shock? I don’t believe in the Golden Rule. I don’t believe in the Golden Rule… as it’s typically practiced. Huh? There’s a difference? Yep, unfortunately, I believe there’s a big difference and would go so far as to say a huge difference.
Typically, most people would agree that the Golden Rule as we know it comes from the Bible, was spoken by Jesus, and can be found in the Gospel of Mathew, Chapter 7 verse 12 (ESV) [So whatever you wish that others would do to you; do also to them…] and the Gospel of Luke, Chapter 6, verse 31 (ESV) [And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them].
The truth is that very similar ideas can be found in almost every major religion and philosophical system in the world. The problem is not the concept, but rather how we interpret the concept and apply it in everyday life.
Most people I know, and have spoken with about the idea, translate the scriptural quote “And as you wish that others would do to you, do also to them” into more colloquial terms such as, “Treat people the way you want to be treated”, so far so good.
The problem comes when someone decides to turn the concept on its head and rationalize treating someone badly because they were treated badly - we treat people the way we were treated. We rationalize it’s okay because that must be the way they want to be treated because that’s the way they treated us. Isn’t that what the Golden Rule is all about? The answer is a resounding “No!”
For most people the Golden Rule becomes a “transaction”; you treat me well and then I’ll treat you well, treat me poorly and I’ll treat you poorly in return. My actions are no longer autonomous rather they become reactions, a response, an effect rather than a cause. You do this and then and only then will I do that. Turned around, the transactional quality of the interaction is similar. We say to ourselves that I will treat you in such and such a manner and will in turn expect to be treated the same. There’s a Latin phrase that captures the concept really well: “do ut des”, translated, “I give so that you give”. Clearly in both cases, from you to me and from me to you, there is a transaction taking place, reciprocity for what the other does. And when that reciprocity is neglected or broken serious problems can arise.
The problem that I have with all of this is that given the source and author of the concept (i.e. the Bible and Jesus) I believe that there are a couple of implied, albeit unwritten, concepts that attend what has been written, and that we conveniently ignore at our own peril. In modern terms, I believe that the more “complete version” of the Rule would read something like, “Treat people the way you want to be treated… regardless of how they treat you”.
No Scott, you’re crazy! Am I? Remember where the Golden Rule is found and who is saying it. This is not some “do ut des” (I give so you give) this is much more about the originators heart, and the loving acts of kindness and giving, regardless of how we are treated or what we get in return. Our actions, or in some cases inaction, should not revolve around what other people do or don’t do. We are to take responsibility for our own actions and own them regardless of what other people think, say or do. I know, easier said than done but nonetheless true.
All too often we allow the actions or inaction of others to dictate our responses, and in so doing perpetuate the cycle of reaction, victimization, hurt, pain, greed, avarice, sadness, violence, etc. The truth has been, and always will be, that we have it within ourselves to make a choice to break the cycle, to stop the pain and violence, to stop twisting and abusing teachings like the Golden Rule to suit or own selfish needs and desires.
While I was doing some research on the Golden Rule (you didn’t think I came up with the whole “do ut des” thing on my own did you?) I came upon a concept that actually got me shaking my head and not necessarily in a good way, more of “you’ve got to be kidding” way. Now for all you philosophy majors out there, don’t get all crazy on me just yet – hear me out.
The concept that got me shaking my head is called “The Platinum Rule”. Yep, it’s true, there’s a Platinum Rule, honest! I suspect that someday there will be a Tungsten Rule, an Aluminum Rule, a Stainless Steel Rule, a Silver Rule, etc. but for now we'll just address the Platinum Rule.
In contrast to the Golden Rule, treat others the way YOU want to be treated, The Platinum Rule basically says, treat others the way THEY want to be treated. The thought being that we are to honor the individuality of each person and so respect the fact that they may not want to be treated the same way we want to be treated. George Bernard Shaw once wrote “Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may be different.”
Although on the surface this sounds completely plausible and reasonable, I believe it’s missing the point entirely. Aside from the fact that the Platinum Rule seems to presuppose that you are somehow ready, willing and able to spend enough time with the other person to be able to figure out exactly how it is they’d like to be treated, like that’s going to happen on a regular basis, the idea again seems to neglect the source and author of the Golden Rule (i.e. the Bible and Jesus).
I think that it’s fair to assume, yes, I know all about the assuming makes an “ass” out of “u” and “me” thing, but I’m willing to go out on a limb on this one. I think it’s fair to assume that the Bible and Jesus implies that there are certain basic ways of treating people that all people are entitled to, and would prefer and enjoy if given the opportunity. Things like being treated with love and compassion, empathy, dignity, respect, fairness, being listened to and heard, etc.
Please understand that this is not about you foisting your liking of sunny side up eggs on someone who likes their eggs over easy, or your love of classical music on someone who enjoys rap, this is about basic human needs and desires like those previously mentioned. I’d like to meet the person who doesn’t want to be treated with love, dignity, respect, empathy, fairness, kindness, etc. I have no doubt that there are people out there that feel they don’t deserve to be treated that way and may have never been treated that way, but relative to the Golden Rule I would strongly argue that the author of the rule feels differently.
Finally, there’s one element of the Golden Rule that is often overlooked, at least when considered biblically. I know, some of you are going, “See, this is why I stay away from the whole Bible thing.” The verses containing the Golden Rule are written in the imperative tense. In everyday language all that means is that it is a command. What??? Yep, unfortunately it’s not an option, we are commanded to treat people the way we want to be treated (regardless of how we are treated and without the loophole of not knowing how they would like to be treated because I don’t really know them, blah, blah, blah).
So, does that mean if someone treats me badly, without courtesy and respect, I still have to be kind? If you understand that being treated with kindness and courtesy and respect is how every individual would like to be treated then the answer is “Yes”. If you don’t understand that then we need to talk, but I’m pretty sure deep down inside everyone gets it.
The Golden Rule as written, is a simple yet elegant masterpiece on how we should treat others, unfortunately as we interpret and apply it in our daily lives, it is far too often abused and twisted to meet our own personal and collective agendas.
Just think of a world where everyone treats everyone else with love and kindness, dignity, respect, caring, empathy and general goodness. It’s possible if we’ll only yield to the command of the heart that did all these things and more.