Technology and the Paradox of Disconnection

In a world where technology abounds and proliferates at an almost alarming rate, where cell phone use is literally pandemic (more on that in a minute) and where a four-year-old can navigate cyberspace like Lindbergh across the Atlantic, why is it that it seems like the human race is more “disconnected” than ever before?

We live with our heads up our… technology, all but oblivious to the humanness around us. Granted, events like hurricanes (recently Harvey and Irma), floods, earthquakes, and 9/11 (just, and always remembered) seem to bring out the best in people as a whole (except those who somehow find it morally and ethically right to take advantage of people in need and you know who are), but honestly how often do hurricanes, floods, earthquakes and 9/11’s happen? Mercifully, not all that often, which begs the question, “What about all the other days of the year?” Days when misery and suffering and want are just as important, just as big an issue but somehow stay conveniently hidden, tucked away behind the walls of our ignorance, avoidance, and neglect. Walls that we so enthusiastically build with our unspoken belief that the higher the wall the better.

I wonder sometimes if seeing the pain and suffering and need on our tablets and smartphones makes it less “real” and more palatable than having to lift up our eyes and seeing it in the faces of those around us. Is it somehow easier to ignore because when technology presents it, it seems more distant or more like a movie or television show than reality? – of course, the proliferation of “reality” TV has done nothing to help us make the distinction.

On occasion I take advantage of the beautiful days in New York City, yes all days are beautiful, and yes they occur even in New York City, and walk the eighteen plus blocks (about a mile) to work. Within those eighteen blocks, I would hazard to guess I pass hundreds if not thousands of people all trying to make their way somewhere, and apparently doing so in a very big hurry.

The sad part is that it never ceases to amaze me how many people are on their cell phones, texting or playing games, completely oblivious to the people they run into, and the others that are a bit more alert and have zigged and zagged around them like a sixth-grader playing dodge ball.

I confess that I have had fantasies about being given license to be able to “officially” knock phones out of people’s hands, confiscate them, grind them under my heel, or hand out thousand dollar fines for walking around with their heads up their phones and being completely inconsiderate (although I suspect the suicide rate would dramatically increase). At this point I'd settle for authority to just plain old yell at the top of my lungs, “PUT THE CELL PHONES AWAY PEOPLE, YOU’RE NOT THAT IMPORTANT!!!”

I know there are a bunch of you out there that will take great offense to that last statement but the truth of the matter is you’re not, nobody is. No one is so important that it makes it okay to be rude and inconsiderate to your fellow travelers on this thing we call Earth, even on the sidewalks of New York City.

If, however, for some unknown reason you are overcome with delusions of self-grandeur and status that somehow miraculously elevates you to a position higher than the rest of us, then please just step to the side and text, or play, or do whatever it is that’s so important, to your heart’s content… but I’d much rather you put the phone away and see the world around you.

Imagine, just for a moment - and don’t panic or make an appointment with your local mental health care professional yet, I’m just asking you to imagine for a moment, that your cell phone is securely tucked away – come on you can do it (imagine).

Your eyes are focused on something other than a six-inch screen (or the ground), and that you actually can hear, and see and smell and FEEL the amazing day around you, the incredible gift that you’ve been given. You see, the truth of the matter is that time, the fleeting and precious moments of our lives, is the only thing we can never get more of, once it’s used and gone it’s gone.

Think of how many lives you could touch for the good, or how many others could touch yours with simple eye contact, a smile, or a “Good morning.”

Now, before getting your dander up and wanting to sucker punch me the next time we run into each other… on a crowded street because you’ve got your head buried in your cell phone… #@!&)*$#@!… sorry, AND before you assume that I hate technology and that I’m some sort of “technophobe”, let me assure you that I don’t and I’m not. I use technology all the time and even worked for a company that strongly advocated the use of technology in helping their clients.

Let’s be honest, I’m writing this on a computer (okay, I thought about handwriting it but I couldn’t find that new-fangled gadget called a p-e-n-c-i-l), posting it on the web (okay I thought about mimeographing it but only because I like the smell of the paper and the cool purple coloring of the text) and yes, I have a smartphone (and no it’s not a Blackberry or one that comes with its own carry-on bag). The point I’m trying to make is this… moderation, a time and a place for everything. Heck, you wouldn’t wear your Speedo to work, would you? (gentlemen please say “No”). Then why would you aimlessly text or play phone games on a crowded street (or train platform… arghhhh!!!... sorry again)? I know, for the same reason people climb mountains… because you can… bad answer!

I can hear some of you now, “I have rights”, yeah, yeah we all have rights, we have the right to remain silent because anything we say can be used against us in a court of law or used against us five years from now when the timing is just right. We have the right to eat an entire box of Oreo's right before bedtime. We have the right to wear our 1970’s leisure suits to our next black-tie event (no, I don’t own any leisure suits, they melted years ago). We even have the right to be a total schmuck sometimes, which some of us exercise a little too often, but that doesn’t mean we have to be or should, does it?

The good news, especially when it comes to the whole leisure suit thing, is that we have a choice. We can choose to put others before ourselves; we can choose to treat others the way we would like to be treated; we can be present and connect and make a difference in our own lives and the lives of those around us.

Unfortunately, all too often I’ve had the misfortune of witnessing people/families out “together”, some for a meal, some for a walk, some shopping, some just hanging out “together”, so totally engrossed with their cell phones or other technology and SO “not present”, SO NOT “together”, that I wonder, if aliens came and abducted their companions (you know, the ones they’re “together” with) how long it would take them to notice they were gone; I’m guessing at least a few days but maybe longer.

There’s an old adage that paraphrased says, “No one, on their deathbed ever wished they had spent more time at work.” (and I’m going to go out on a limb and add, “or on their cell phones”). No, the greatest regrets seem to revolve around the chances we didn’t take, the time we didn’t spend, the things we didn’t say. So, with that in mind, my hope for you is that you put down the phone, put away the iPad, turn off the computer, lift up your head and enjoy every moment of the gift you’ve been given. Your heart and the hearts of others will thank you for it.